Get Set… GO!
Oh where to begin… I was just reading through a few of my journals from the months past and realized a few things. 1) A lot of my entries allll sound the same, I either have the same things on my mind constantly or it could be my writing style? I guess most of these entries are more me writing in a train of thought mind set, and are not meant to be college essay style works of art so it makes sense that my mind jots down it’s thoughts in a similar fashion every time. And 2) We are already half done with this year?! This year is going way to fast for my liking. The beginning of the year, all my entries are so depressed.I feel like I wasted those months away trying to recover from a certain event that brought me to that depressed state. Then somewhere in the Feb – March range I got into WFG. I think mainly because it was something that I could do that would take my mind off of the depression. They made me feel good about myself. Made me feel important, after a month or two of feeling like an absolute loser. I stuck with it until the county job started up again and I realized that Financial services were not my cup of tea. In fact the suit and tie, office job, selling products was not AT ALL my cup of tea. I need to be out doors. I need fresh air and to be able to explore and meet people as friends, not as potential clients. I realized that I’m happiest when I’m out in nature. I cringe at the thought of ever working indoors. I realize that I LOVE my job, and if I ever do want to go back to school it will be for something that will land me a similar job to the one I have now. Maybe not Historical preservation, but something more along the lines of wilderness conservation or wildlife biology studies. Either way I’ll still be outdoors and happy!
Going back to school however is a big decision in my life though. My grades from previous trials arn’t the best and transferring schools might be difficult. If I did go back I would be going back for Wildlife Biology, or something along those lines, which is a degree that CU doesn’t offer, meaning i’d have to for sure transfer one more time. The closest school to offer wildlife bio is CSU in fort collins. Which would be cool and not cool at the same time, cool that i’d be living at home again in fort collins (not necessarily at my parents place) , but not so cool in that I’d feel like I was going backwards. Coming back to foco when I could be off living somewhere else and seeing a whole other part of the world! Another thing that worries me is that a degree in wildlife bio would be extremely interesting, but it’s a known fact that I will not make much money w/ any job that I get in result of that degree. And spending insain amounts of money to get a degree i’m not going to make that much with is crazy! I feel like what interests me I can get w/ out a degree. But at the same time I feel like certain people expect me to finish college. And look down upon me if I don’t. My new boss Judy w/ the Youth Corps is one of those. She’s talked to me multiple times saying I should finish school. I should go back ASAP. I don’t know why she’s made it her business to be concerned about my education but It puts a pressure on me to go back. C also gives me this vibe. I feel like the whole reason she did what she did back in january is because she felt like I wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t want to be w/ a loser who was stuck in a rut. Who didn’t know where he was going. So she went elsewhere to someone who was a complete woman degrading asshole, but also who did have their shit together, who was an engineer who appears to be going somewhere, and is working towards something. Personally I feel like I can get just as far if not further along w/ out college than I can w/ college. I just feel like i’m a disappointment to people until I do become successful in something, and that’s hard to deal with. Idk. I’m going to pay for an extension on my online class that I started last year. I’m going to get it done then and out of the way asap, so I can have that boost in GPA that will allow me to transfer if I so choose that path eventually.
Yesterday was my first day starting with BC Youth Corps! I’m so excited! The trainings so far have been a blast. I’ve met SOO many new people my own age who are absolutely awesome, and love the things I love, have tons of similar interests, and who are just as stoked about this summer as I am! I’ve been waiting for SOOO long to find a group like this 
I’m making tons of new friends, learning tons of cool things, and feel like i’m making a difference by helping kids help the community and have the coolest job they could possibly have! This is going to be a great next couple of months!
Ontop of the Youth Corps, C and I are getting along fantastically! We always have a blast when we are together, vs 8 months ago where we were constantly bickering/fighting/not having a good time. I love where things are headed and how things have been. Again this is going to be a great summer. Right now is like a complete 180 turn around from the beginning of this year in every aspect of my life! I can’t wait to see what the next few months bring!
I know I have more to write about, but I’m getting tired of writing, and i’m sure I wont want to read this HUGE long thing again anytime soon so, until next time, adieu!
